When our little angels fly away, they leave us with the greatest heartbreak. Grief to the Nth degree, is how I would describe the emotional pain I have seen personally, from parents that have lost a child. All of the dreams they have been scattered in just minutes or months, from the time of the child’s birth. The baby bed is still there, boxes of diapers and cute little outfits, but one that should be using these things can’t. Some people hold on to all these things, as long as possible. The items are not a real substitute, but each shoe or dress represents a memory of the baby they love. It takes time to be ready to let these things go. One class was a part of the Psychology curriculum, which was Death & Dying, at University of North Florida. The material covered in this class would prove to be invaluable for me, as a speaker, cousin, and grandparent. Losing a child is not like when your great-uncle dies. Your expectations for your child have been shattered. Parents think that naturally, they should die before their child. Some parents have found themselves angry with God. In their minds, how can a loving God let a child die? Not just any child. their child!
The poem “I Don’t Understand” says what many parents feel. They grapple with what they were taught, that God doesn’t make a mistake. But in their minds, taking my child had to be a mistake.
One person in my family had a still-born baby. Another had an infant to pass a way at four months of age. Both experienced anxiety and depression afterwards. One told his mom; we wanted to sleep and just keep sleeping. His mother got him a therapist, immediately. Along with therapy sessions, he was placed on anti-anxiety meds. Later, his mom got him a kitten. Animals are one of the best natural medicines for grief. They give that unconditional love, just like a baby does. They sense your emotions better than many humans. As a volunteer at Baptist East, in Memphis, dogs were bought to the hospital to inspire the sick. Bottomline, the loss of a child is extremely difficult. I don’t think parents ever get over that pain, but they can find ways to cope. If this is your situation, therapy should definitely be one of your options. Talking with someone that does not know you gives you the space to say what you really feel, without being judged or smothered with emotions. Things happen without explanation. It’s okay to say, “I don’t understand.” It’s not okay, to not get help. My family did. You can too.